Trans Without Politics

So, um, I don't feel comfortable talking to the people in my life about this topic. Not even the ones who know I'm trans. It's concerning the thing that everyone does once in a while that starts with 'm' and ends with "-ation". I'm a teenager, and of course, hormones are a thing. But since I'm trans, getting off has always ended with me regretting my existence. I just, I can't do it and it's frustrating me way more than it probably should. I was wondering what everybody else did about this- that is if anyone else has this issue. Yeah, this has been immensely awkward to type out. Thanks to anyone who bothers to read this mess aha-