Trans Without Politics

I'm more religious than my folks so I've never understood how religion played a negative role =P If you want respect, you need to show respect in turn. So what I mean by that is IF your extended family is against your transition for specifically religious reasons (honestly some religious people are very supportive because they don't believe in God making mistakes so in that sense you are not a mistake for pursuing your gender) you need to learn where it's coming from and how you can reasonably address what they say. For example, the Catholic belief that you rented the body and must return it as it was, meaning no cremation, no tattoos, no sex reassignment surgery. From what you've said, their perception seems to be derived from distaste towards counter culture, like drag. There are certainly transsexuals who do it for the sex, pun intended, but that is neither here nor there for the purposes of your coming out. State that this is about you, only you, and comfort in your own skin. If your relationship was good before, it probably will be still. Remember, if you are not directly their responsibility- they will not take the matter as seriously as your immediate family. I hope this was helpful.

I always here about the social justice warrior 'trans' folks taking gender and women's studies courses. So I thought to myself, what are transmedicalists more prone to studying/ doing with their lives?

For myself, I'm a student studying biomedical engineering. I'm also in training to co-run my campus ministry.

Damn guys.

I'm sorry Annie.  I want to say that your mom's trying to come from a good place. That she can't do anything to help you carry your own children so wants to see there being a reason for you being born male. My mom insists me being born female must have been for the best because she doesn't believe I'd be a good person and would have knocked up some girl before I turned 18. I don't believe that of course, but I try not to take offense because I know that my family is just trying to make sense of why I wasn't born male. I'm glad you have your aunt!
I'm sorry about your situation too Elven. Maybe they'll eventually come around, it's pretty upsetting how hard it can be for them to have a change of mind though =/ I'm aiming for top surgery during the summer break months and she'll still refer to it as me mutilating myself. I actually don't mind when she talks like this because I can then inform her with the research I've done and she'll listen.

If I may share   ,
Half a year ago she didn't want to hear any of it. Hell, as soon as I got a haircut she no longer wanted to see my face. I still remember the day I got an angry phone call from my sister because I texted my mom a picture of myself smiling(I was taking summer courses but my campus being relatively small and rural, was mostly deserted, and I had to stay in these old military houses turned housing for students, and I was the only kid on the block. I had no car and was working two jobs, one off campus, as well as taking physics and calculus 2 on the main campus in another city. So it was very lonely and stressful but I tried to keep a brave face for my folks.), she chewed me out for being selfish and insensitive because our mom had a hysterical breakdown in the bathroom soon after. We're first generation hispanic and catholic, so not wearing my earrings and cutting my hair was very shocking.
The reason my family changed their tune however was because I was forced into a mental hospital after being unable to stop crying at the counselor's. I wasn't allowed to leave until I complied with treatment, i.e. took anti-depressants. School kicked back up and I was being low-key bullied by the group of friends I had become close to first year. There was one person in particular who was constantly over- they would threaten, insult, yell, and put me down in my own house whilst they struggled to accept and support me. Another would out me just to publicly ridicule me. The other two, my roommates, were very passive, defended the others, and wouldn't believe me about how an ex-friend hated me and constantly took out his frustrations on me. At the same time the anti-depressants actually caused me to have depression (a darkness I can no longer even imagine), became overly dependent on interacting with my friends, and began to self harm because I felt as if God had left me. (Yeah, I was very stupid) Next thing I know I get the cops called on me and I'm in a mental hospital that treats you like the scum of the earth. I lose trust in my roommates and become angry when they begin to isolate me in favour of those who've been less than kind to me. I send one angry text, they misinterpret it, and I'm back in another mental hospital and I am suspended from school.
All this made my family realize how serious the situation was for me, and that I couldn't really handle it all by myself.

I know that 95% of everything that happened was my fault, it got messy and I'm still working on maturing and moving past everything. But yeah, that's how my family became really accepting. There's a lot more to it and I'm sure it would have happened eventually over time. But my dumb self worked like a catalyst. 10/10 would never do again.

And Matthew, that sounds really infuriating. I'm hopeful she'll back out of it before it's too late. It's all fun and games when it's just a matter of self expression.

// Costs are from Nov. - Dec. 2016//

I recommend going down to the courthouse in downtown San Antonio.

1) Ask where to go to get legal application forms for a name change/domestic issues. They will likely point you next door, second floor.

2) Once you find the right room you can pay $1.52 for the application of name change. You may be able to get something for a gender change but you'll need a doctor's letter to prove therapy($135/30 min session; $200 first session), and I have no experience with getting a court order for that so I can't say much.

3) Fill out the petition and make three copies of it.

4) Walk over to the Department of Public Safety (Police Department three blocks down) and get all three copies notarized. $5.00 for notarization services. You'll also need to get get a fingerprint card. $10 for this service. Those are gonna need copies as well. (But honestly guys, I messed up and only got one copy of fingerprints and one copy notarized)

5) Go to the second floor of Paul Elizondo Tower(main one) with your paperwork. Head to the district clerk's civil filing department. I asked the person there to make copies of the one that got notarized, and she made copies of my fingerprints (It goes against the strict rules so try at your own risk). There's a couple of ways to pay but the safest bet is cash. Don't fret, there's an ATM downstairs in the second half of the building in front of the cafe. Just ask for directions. Filing fee is $272.00. Clerk will print some stickies to attach to your papers- double check that they have your name right. They messed up my name the first time but I caught it and they just reprinted the stickers.

6) Now fill out what you can of the Final Order to Change the Name of an Adult- you need a copy of this. (Yeah, this is a different document but comes with the packet they gave you. This is what the judge will sign. You need to take this over to the Office of the Staff Attorney.
Effective Monday, July 11, 2016, hours:
Mon. - Wed. 8am to 11:45am and 1pm to 4:45pm
Tues. - Thurs. 8am to 11:45am
Closed to the public on Fridays

7) Head over to the Office of the Staff Attorney. I want to say it's on the same floor but my memory is fuzzy because I had to do this part on a separate day- yep, I came in on a Tuesday at noon because I spent an hour in the car with my folks finalizing what my name would be (we were all arguing about what my middle name should be). You have to step into the office and sign in, then step outside and wait to be called in. Be polite and cheerful and you might get away with asking them to check and make sure everything is in order, the staff attorney here was super nice and understanding. She checked and double checked to make sure I was in the clear. You got to make sure you keep a copy of the Final Order because you will be responsible for presenting it on the court date. The staff attorney will then set up your court date, you're responsible for noting it down, and she'll give you a slip telling you what you need to bring, how to dress, and to show up 30 min before your scheduled time.

You will get a reminder of your court date in the mail under your current legal name. If you've got questions you can email civilintern2@bexar.org but otherwise just be patient.

9) Make sure you've allotted for traffic- if you miss the hearing you may get delayed several months as opposed to waiting a few weeks. LISTEN UP HOOLIGANS: DRESS APPROPRIATELY FOR COURT. No tank tops, spaghetti straps, shorts, flip-flops, sandals, ripped or torn jeans, hats, revealing dress, clothing with obscene phrases or pictures, or overly soiled clothing will be allowed in the court room. I recommend you guys dress conservatively for a man... what am I saying, who's not going to want to dress as nicely as possible for such a milestone? They want you to be there 30 minutes before or you'll be considered late. Of course yours truly spent too much time in the cathedral next door and was 5 minutes late... So lucky the cop was lenient and didn't kick me out, just told me which side to sit on and checked me in, MAKE SURE YOU'RE CHECKED IN. Basically a group of people involved in debt or some such will go before you. Patiently just silently stress out in the mean time.

10) Once it's time for the name changers (there was like seven people) you will get called up by name (when I was getting checked in I referred to solely my last name and so I was the only one called up solely by my last name- saved me getting outed). You will go over to someone on the far end of the judge's bench and be asked to show your paperwork and two forms of ID. So your Final Order, maybe your original petition... make sure you kept a copy of the original petition, also pull out the stickers you were given way back when. I showed my state ID, and... my expired U.S. passport (... that's right, your boy Evan plays a dangerous game). Once that's done, you'll be asked to head over to the judge. They'll ask if you've ever been convicted of a crime, are a sex offender, or are trying to get out of debt. Judge will ask you your name and what you're changing it to. He'll ask you to state your reason(My judge was a little surprised and had to ask if I needed a doctor's letter on top of everything but the others told him I didn't need it unless I was trying to change my gender marker. As soon as he heard this he exclaimed that I would of course be approved- upset that they were taking too long to check and explain this to him. He signed everything with a flourish and asked if I had finished transition yet. I was under oath so I decided to be truthful and tell him I was still working on it. [I was still pre-T at the time.] He gave me a firm handshake and wished me luck.). Once you're done you'll head back to your seat (bench) and wait until everyone is finished. Eventually you will be escorted as a group out of the court and down to the lower level of the court.

11) You'll have to wait until they're done processing all the papers and open up shop for you to purchase your copies. You can go grab a bite to eat at the cafe and use the ATM in front if you need cash for purchasing your copies. I believe it is $2 per copy but they'll tell you beforehand. It's a good idea to have at least two copies of the court order.

12) Once you're done, you're done. You can now take that bad boy to start getting your name fixed up. Congratulations on the milestone!

_____________

P.S. The reason I didn't get a court order for a gender marker change is that in order to change your name you need a court order from where you are a resident of, but if you want to change that F to an M, you need to comply to the laws of the state you were born in. I was born in Arizona, the law there states that I need to have a letter from a qualified physician explicitly state either:
1) Current gender marker doesn't match chromosomal tests
or
2) You have undergone an irreversible surgical procedure and are fully committed to living as the opposite sex

A court order would be denied, even if from a court in Arizona.

If anyone wants to know the process of getting a new birth certificate in Arizona, social security card, ID, changing your name with the bank, or updating your information at your college, just let me know!

The endo my psychiatrist recommended me to has been in the business since the 90's, when I went in for the first time all I had to do was tell him who had recommended me, if I had researched HRT in advance, and answer some questions about myself (less is more)  before I was given my prescription for depo-testosterone. I didn't get any blood work done because he said.5 mL a week was the average starting point anyways and I could save the $1000 for the two and a half month mark. (I pay for everything out of pocket btw). I wanted weekly shots anyways because I read that a weekly dose reduces risk of mood swings (I don't want a male version of a period if I can help it) and shots are the cheapest option (I still spend way too long contemplating the fact that I'm shoving a needle longer than my finger into my thigh) but I always hear of other guys doing biweekly shots. Also, I'm pretty sure this is more a matter of genetics, but I wonder if weekly shots= faster results? I don't think it does but I'd like to hear from others.

For me it was Day 23. I'm a day shy of two months since being on T. A week or two ago I started getting referred to as Mr over the phone.